It seems like my heart is arguing with my mind on a daily basis lately. Julia has to have a sedated MRI in 2 weeks. She wasn't scheduled for another until July but she's had a sudden increase in migraines. We know their migraines because she complains she has a headache, lies down, throws up then sleeps with an ice pack on her head. My poor baby :( I HATE this. Julia's neurologist wants a really good look at her brain stem to be sure the lesion there hasn't changed so sedation here we come.
Most days I do ok- I push all this stress away and focus, focus, focus on my very full, very busy life. Lately with these migraines and this looming MRI my mind is distracted. Thoughts about Julia, NF, headaches everything just swirl around my mind like a hurricane. It's hard to think of much else. I am doing better at crying though, I used to cry through days and nights and sometimes I would be crying and not even know it! I would all the sudden feel a tear drip down my cheek and think Oh I'm crying! It was crazy. I haven't cried that much over this just worrying and feeling tense.
My mind has to constantly convince my heart that Julia will be fine. It's a constant battle. My mind keeps telling my heart not to worry, to calm down that my baby girl will be ok. But my heart, my heart hurts and cries and jumps up my throat with worry.
My mind also knows that 7 year old shouldn't come home crying because their head hurts, a 7 year old shouldn't ask to leave the dance or the movie night because her head hurts. Children should just be free- free to play, dance, sing and have no pain.